Cloud the Mind {Kila}

[Boo]

{desc=Rayna/O}

{Post Meeting}

Had she really just done that? Walked out on a meeting? How could she have been so foolish and childish? If there had been any questioning of her loyalties, they were likely now confirmed. At least she hadn’t launched herself across the table at the Lord Holder. Her Weyrleader now. Shards, things were so much easier when Fajra was around to lead. Rayna sat, beside the lake, with her knees drawn up to her chest and her chin resting on her arms. The only place to hide was really in her Weyr and even then, it would be a matter of time before someone decided to visit for one reason or another.

The gold dragon was elsewhere, sunbathing in another part of the Weyrbowl at the behest of her rider, she had not come to join Rayna. Ultimately, it would only make her more conspicuous. She held no illusion that someone had noticed her here by now but hoped, for the moment, that she might not be recognised.

What if she had challenged Avalle?

Her mind kept wandering back to the question. Ambitious she may be but in that moment, when they had lost the one person she thought could hold the Weyr together, there was nothing she could have done. Even then, Callistath would have flown first but perhaps… Perhaps they wouldn’t have attended a gather with contested leadership… That was unlikely; D’lios would have ensured his location when Callistath had flown.

Calmly, she lowered her knees into a cross-legged position and looked out across the lake, there were dragons bathing with their riders. It ultimately came down to the poisonings. That was the beginning and the end of this horrible strife and they still had to find the culprit. Talin’s words flashed through her mind again and Rayna was set with steely resolve. She had to do this herself… Or else she was complicit in the murders of their people, their dragons. Unless she did something, nothing would satisfy her.

She didn’t move as she heard footsteps of someone’s approach but merely breathed once deeply to calm herself.

[/blockquote]

[Kila]

Summer, 6th Turn, 11th Pass (Backdated)

The footsteps Rayna heard belonged to O'sho, fortunately for the
Weyrwoman. The old man meandered over to the lake bank and settled his
tired bones beside her. He grimaced at the series of pops that
accompanied the movement but settled down unbothered. Sensing that her
presence was no longer needed, Fiera nuzzled his cheek and disappeared,
leaving the two humans alone. O'sho said nothing for a while, simply
watching the water and the pairs splashing about in it. Some bathed,
some played, but none had as much on their minds as the King and
QueenRider.

She should not have left as she did, but O'sho did not tell her that.
She knew. And he knew how easy it was to get overwhelmed when nothing
was going how you planned but everything was riding on your actions.
Those had been his burdens, but now they were hers and the others'. The
weight of it all would have killed him had he kept it, he knew, but
seeing them ache and struggle as they were he would take it all back if
he could.

"How are you feeling?" he asked finally; gently, without any
accusation or aggression. He thought he knew how she felt at that
moment, based on her actions, but he was asking in a broader scope.
Rayna would understand. He wouldn't force her to talk to him or to tell
him her thoughts, but he was there if she wanted to. He was determined
to do and be whatever the Leadership needed. It was up to them if they
would utilize him.

[Boo]

The approach of the former Weyrleader was noted carefully, as Rayna turned her gaze on the man. Aged though he was, she couldn’t imagine she would ever be able to acknowledge this fact. To her, he would always be practically indestructible. Then again, Fajra had been that too… She breathed in deeply and then out again as he sat beside her.

“Honestly?” Rayna paused for a moment, “Useless.”
Saying these words seemed to shoot panic through her heart. The frustration she felt was not even ultimately at one person, it was at the whole situation. There was nothing she could do about it except parade around and pretend as though nothing was wrong. Perhaps her bond with Couineth was making her selfish or perhaps she had always been that way.

“I should be used to it all by now. It’s been nine turns now and yet it’s not any easier.”
In some ways she felt sorry for Iola. The poor Copper Rider had impressed at perhaps the worst moment. They had lost their senior Queen only shortly after Jainath’s hatching. As the only Copper born at Dalibor to bond and survive, the pair would be under constant scrutiny. Scrutiny Rayna recognised.

“But trust is hard to regain…”
She thought he might understand to whom she referred but left it open. It was never clear how many ears around them were open to gossip.

[/blockquote]

[Kila]

O'sho listened silently as Rayna took a deep breath and spoke.
Her body was tense, though he was not sure she was aware of it. It was
far more than just her words that conveyed distress. Though she said
little there was much that was weighing on her. More even than what she
revealed to him now. "You are not useless," he reassured her
gently. "But I know that it's hard not to feel so at times." When
disaster had struck time after time even O'sho had felt like all his
work and efforts were in vain. But he'd had to persist, as they would.
It could be thankless work, but everything depended on it.

"Unfortunately I can't tell you that it will get easier," he
said, leaning back. Their positions were demanding ones, and Couinith
was not apt to change anytime soon either. He did not envy the
QueenRiders and their trying dragonesses. As much as Fajra had loved
Kalith he had seen the strain they put on one another. To compound
things, the relations between the key Weyrleadership were on fire, which
made her job even harder. No one liked D'lios; they resented his
powerplays even when they were beneficial to the Weyr, as the meeting
had just shown.

There was a lot of resentment being directed towards Avalle as well for
having facilitated the Lord Holder's rise to power in the Weyr. The Sr.
Weyrwoman was wracked with guilt and enraged that it had happened, but
that earned her no reprieve. Rayna's words implied that she was one of
those who had lost her trust and faith in her fellow GoldRider because
of it. O'sho let out a quiet sigh. He could only image how both of the
women were feeling. He loved them both more dearly than they knew. They
had both come to Dalibor as veritable children, impressed from Daidoroth
and Kalith's own bloodline, and grown into strong, responsible leaders
by his side. It pained him to see them so unhappy.

"Trust is certainly a thing that must be earned, and on your own
terms. You need not like someone to work with them though." He would
never imply that Rayna was selfish, but she seemed hyperfocused on her
own woes- something of a luxury in a business devoted to the well-being
of other people. But she had never applied for the post. He patted her
hand, covering it with his own large, gnarled one. He sympathized; they
were only human and it was hard to be selfless. "Never forget to put
yourself in other peoples' shoes," he said with a weary
smile.