Hopefully this is only temporary...

[Lan]

warning: some discretion advised for delicate content

I don't expect to be understood, nor do I expect to be forgiven... but I do know that right now I do not have the emotional capacity nor the time to handle an RPG right now. I can't say if I'll be gone a week or a month... but someone else needs my attention right now.

It's... complicated. My boyfriend off and on will get himself into self-destructive behaviors. The last time it was drinking, cutting, and he took a bunch of aspirin and made mustard gas. This time... well, it's not so self-destructive as it is destroying me. I've been with him for eleven months, and for even longer than that I've been through hell with him a million times over. I forsook my identity and spun so many delicate webs of lies to cushion him and make sure he didn't fall too far. I've defended him when everyone was telling me that I was crazy. He's drug me through so much crap and every step of the way I've been there for him to catch him when he fell.

When he came out to me and told me he was bi, I supported him. I thought that maybe now he would be able to be himself and not feel so much pain. But now, just barely over a month later... he's cheated on me and slept with a guy. He promised me he'd wait for me and both of us used to have the ideal of not having sex until marriage (I still have that ideal), and now... after all that crap we've been through... all that hell... he's thrown another curve ball at me. The only comfort I have is knowing that there's not much else he can do that's worse that can hurt me.

So... needless to say... I won't be on much for a while. I'm so sorry. I wish things weren't so complicated. I wish this crap didn't happen when I have a million other things to worry about as well. But it does... and such is life.

I won't be gone forever. If and when this all blows over, you can be sure I will return. I just need to figure some stuff out right now.

Sincerely,
-Lan

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[Admin]

*hugs* Life sucks; it's a fact. Come back when you can.

[Kila]

We totally understand, Lan, real life (unfortunately) comes first and (unfortunately) is full of sucky situations. We'll be here if you can come back, take it easy, girl.

[Lan]

All right. So... things seemed to begin to be settling down. My boyfriend and I have started the process of working through everything and we're still together. Also, I know only have rehearsals for the orchestra of one play, all my huge projects have been completed for now, and I'm beginning to have more free, sane time to myself. Plus, during my prolonged absence the site I was an admin at closed down, so now this is the only site I would have to devote my time to.

The catch? I went snowboarding yesterday and killed my arm... so typing's a bit difficult. Also, I'm in the process of taking care of scholarships and other college related things. So starting to RP again is going be a gradual process. However, I hope to make my slow return to this place.

Thanks for understanding my situation. I hope to eventually pay you back with much activity in the future. =)

-Lan

[Admin]

LAN IS BACK! LAN IS BACK! Though it's bad that you got hurt snowboarding. I know the feeling; I got tendinitis in one of my fingers during NaNoWriMo last year. That sucked so bad.

[Lan]

Ouch. Yeah, tendinitis does suck. My friend had that one time, couldn't play his trumpet for what seemed like forever. He was so depressed.

And it's just my left shoulder that's injured... I, like, hyper-extended it or something... but, for some reason, even typing with that hand is uncomfortable. I can do it, and I do type with my left hand and just ignore the discomfort, but I won't be able to type anything too long too quickly for a while.

[Kila]

Welcome back, Lan, it's so good to see you! Things really started to take off while you were gone, but the Gather has only just started and you haven't missed anything. I'm sorry to hear about your arm- take it easy, kay?

[Lan]

Yeah... "just started"... I still have a lot of catching up to do. x.x I read everyone's bios, though. That's a start. ^^

And I'm trying... it's a good thing it's my non-dominant arm that died. I don't think I'd be able to handle the loss of my right arm.

[Lan]

Dearest Members and Staff of Dalibor,

So Lan has been dragged from RPing by life again... but at least this time it isn't for as dramatic of circumstances. 'Twas Lan's 18th birthday on March 4th, and between finally trying to get my permit and license, registering to vote, my regular workload of homework, and intensifying orchestra rehearsals for Fiddler on the Roof, finally being an adult isn't a break at all for Lan. =( Not that she thought it would be...

Although there isn't as much drama about my boyfriend anymore, there is still some due to the fact that as of this past Tuesday his dad found out all about the entire situation that has been going on for the past two months. So, on top of trying to be the emotional support for my boyfriend and trying to keep myself as a pillar of strength, I must also be the emotional support for his dad. But this isn't as much of a burden as I might have thought... I really respect his dad and I don't mind talking to him more often. What I really don't mind is that his dad and our youth group leader are finally stepping into majorly supportive roles in my boyfriend's life and are trying to help end his self-destructive behaviors, focusing on one problem at a time.

So, in short... things are busy... but they are also starting to look up. I may be regrettably absent for a majority of the time, but I will check back as often as possible. Thank you for understanding and for being the fanfreakingtastic people I know you to be.

Sine ceram,
-Lan

[Admin]

Happy Turnday! ^^ Now, just don't be a stranger and give this 'life' of yours a few smacks for me.

[Kila]

Oh boy! 18! Have fun, girly-poo! As before, don't worry about it and take as much time as you need. We'll be right here waiting for you!!!