Jenei, Candidate

[jenei]

Name:
Jenei
Gender:
Female
Age:
13 Turns
Sexuality:
Hetero
Location:
Dalibor
Rank:
Candidate
Personality:
Jenei is a moderately cheerful person. She's fairly friendly, but not the type to seek out friends. She gets angry easily, but it takes her less than 15 minutes for her to calm down, usually. She holds grudges, though, and once she gets angry at someone who isn't her friend, she dislikes even the mention of their name.

Appearance:
Jenei has short, shoulder-length black hair. Her eyes are a dark brown, almost black, and her skin is a sort of olive color. Her height is 5'9", weight is 115, and a light build. She's just a little tall for her age, and thin, but not painfully so.

Family:
Jenei is an orphan, like many others. She doesn't remember much about her parents, only that her mother was Fenori and her father Daryn. Fenori was a greenrider, Daryn a brownrider.
Pets:
Will purchase some.
History:
Jenei is young, so there isn't much. She was born in the Canyon Weyr, but her parents died when she was four Turns, and she now lives with the other Candidates in Dalibor.

Dragon Preference:
I don't really prefer any dragon colors. I just don't really want a brightly-colored dragon, since it just seems odd. Mauling is encouraged.

[Admin]

Since you say you need some help, I'm going to go through this all with some suggestions:

Name:
Jenei Silentstone

On Pern, people typically only have first names. The closest thing to surnames is being of places, or affiliated with a craft, like 'Fajra of Dalibor' or 'Kyrillion Smith'. She'd probably just be 'Jenei'.

Gender:
Female
Age:
13 Turns
Sexuality:
Hetero, if that means she likes males.
Location:
Wherever the most people are.
Rank:
I need help with this.

Heterosexual means she likes people of the opposite gender, so, yes, that would mean she likes males. Her location should be Dalibor if she has been searched, or one of the holds, Western or Crescent, if you would like her to be IC searched. Her rank would be 'candidate'.

Personality:
Jenei is a fairly cheerful person, usually. She can be skeptical about a lot of things, and angers easily, but calms down just as fast. But once you become her enemy, good luck becoming her friend.

Expand on this. What sort of cheerful is she? Is she very friendly on top of it? How, and why, is she often skeptical? She just not overly cheerful, or is highly logical in some way? What sort of temper does she have? How fast does she calm? Why does she hold grudges?

Appearance:
Jenei has short, shoulder-length black hair. Her eyes are a dark brown, almost black, and her skin is a sort of olive color.

You have her skin, her hair, and her eyes down well, but what about her height and weight and build? Are there any other distinguishing features that she has? Does she have any preferences to how she dresses or looks?

Family:
Jenei is an orphan, like many others.
Pets:
Will purchase some.

So her parents are deceased, but who were they? What were their names, and what position did they have? Greenrider? Bluerider?

History:
Jenei is young, so there isn't much. She was born in the Weyr, but her parents died when she was four Turns, and she now lives with the other Candidates.

Dragon Preference:
I don't really prefer any dragon colors. I just don't really want a brightly-colored dragon, since it just seems odd. Mauling is encouraged.

Try to expand on her history. What Weyr was she born out? Dalibor is very new. Maybe she lived at the Weyr she was born as an orphan, and then came to Dalibor as a candidate recently? What were some important pieces of her childhood? What are things that effect her now?

[Admin]

DECLINED.

With her personality, you're rather contradictory. Expand a little more! So, she's moderately cheerful, right? But then gets angry? Well, then, is she just moderately cheerful because she'd normally quite happy but sometimes had moody or depressed streaks? If she's a fairly friendly person but doesn't seek out friends, are you trying to say that she likes friends but can be shy or isn't very adventurous? She's a person, and we have so many facets! Give her some! Make her alive!

Other than that, her history just needs a little bit of work. Canyon Weyr isn't one of our Weyrs - if you look at our map, it has all the Weyrs, and I would suggest Eastern Weyr. Also, I need a bit on how she grew up. Dalibor is only recently founded, thus a probable string of events is for her to have been cared for in the lower caverns after her parents death at the Weyr she was born in, and then brought to Dalibor later on as a candidate. There are two possibilities for that. The first, she could have been a candidate at her old Weyr, possibly stood and not succeeded there, and then come here. The second, a visiting Dalibor rider searched her and brought her here recently.