Winter Numbness (Kila)

[kia]

Lio was lying out on the eastern rim of the Weyr, Mikidith and him wanting to get away from the Weyr for a little while. Lio could not really care that it was in the middle of Winter with snow falling off and on. They were just lucky that the snow was not falling at the moment, but there was evidence of the coldness of winter as a trail of steam floated up in the air as he exhaled his breath. At the same time, if one was close enough, they could smell the faint traces of wine on his lips. He had been drinking again, getting drunk, letting the wine warm his body and making him feel good since no one was wanting or willing to do that for him other than Miki. But it had been a while since he last had a cup of wine. He was still slightly buzzed, but his mind was slowly returning to normal. He was glad Miki had reminded and made him put on a heavier riding before coming out in the cold weather. As he slowly regained full conrol of thought and movement, he was becoming increasingly aware of how cold it was outside as he laid on the ground.

Mikidith was equally depressed too, but there was no way for a dragon to get drunk or high. Well, there was a way for a dragon to get high, but Mikidith did not want to attempt it. With Lio increasingly getting drunker and drunker often because of things, Mikisith was getting increasingy concerned over his Mine. Someone had to remain the sane one between the two, and Lio apparently had no desire to be that half. The Brown lowered his head slightly as he watched his Mine and the surroundings with a lamenting blue color in his eyes. He was feeling Lio`s pain, they both shared the pain. They both had come here, leaving their past behind them, trying to create a new one at Dalibor. Part of the reason for coming to Dalibor was to possibly find someone for both of them, potential weyrmates. They had been in love with P`nay, Annith, R`ish, and Gyth, but now P`nay and R`ish left Lio behind when they became weyrmates. That had been the beginning of Lio`s depression. And it continued to increase with constant loses in Flights that Mikidith participated in. Miki had never won a Flight, and Lio still did not have anyone to wake up to.

I am sorry, Mikdidith had told him once the Flight had ended. He had often repeated the phrase several times several days afterwards. I failed you, Mine. I am sorry. Lio had sighed and patted the Brown in his side gently and with some affection mixed into it. "It is ok," he muttered. "It will take some time." But how much more time would they have to wait. Lio sat up from where he laid and looked around. He would need to get back to his weyr after a bit and work on some Wing information. Without a Wingleader, still, Lio was taking charge of the Wing until they could find a new Wingleader. This was part of the reason for coming out here: Not only to get away for a little bit but also to let the buzz go away on its own time before he went back to work. He looked up at Miki with somewhat listless eyes and blinked. "How much longer do we have to wait?" he muttered to the dragon, reminding himself of the question and letting known that he was still here in this position.

[Kila]

Unlike her dragon, Sol was not impervious to the cold, and she didn’t like it. Thoughts plagued her as she sat, warm and bundled up in her room, and forced her outside into the open air. The temperature was unforgiving. Shivering violently, she wrapped her furs tighter around her shoulders.

Don’t you think you’re being a bit overdramatic, MineOwn? Eccolath inquired from the ledge as Hers trudged by with her heavy blanket in tow, the end dragging on the ground and leaving a trail in the dirt. She had clearly sensed her bonded’s turbulent thoughts, but she didn’t understand how coming out into the weather that she so hated would help.

No, Ecco, she chattered. I just need to get out of here for a while. I think I’m suffocating myself. For such a non-dramatic girl her problems were pretty fantastic. While she had no real tangible problems, her raging emotions wreaked more than enough damage to compensate.

Stay warm, then… Eccolath crooned, happy where she was on her own stone bed. Sol grumbled to herself at this comment as she trundled away in her furs.

Sol wandered a while with her own thoughts, not paying much attention to where she was headed. She began in the tunnels, seeking warmth, but she still felt trapped being surrounded by walls. Outside in the ‘Bowl was not much better. The sky was visible, but she was still enclosed by the cliffs. Looking around uncomfortably as the winter wind whistled though the rocks, Sol edged over towards the stairs carved into the stone and began to climb. Good sense told her that it would be even colder up top, but it did not deter her.

It was impossible to miss Lio and Mikidith on the rim as her head cleared the top. She hesitated a moment, unsure of who it was, and then mounted the last few stairs so she could see. ”Oh, hello,” she said, finally discerning the identity of dragon and rider. Lio she placed the name with the face. Mikidith, Eccolath threw in helpfully. Right, of course. Sol blush slightly and lowered her eyes as she remembered where she had seen him last: he had been there during Eccolath’s flight.

It was my choice, not yours, Eccolath reminded her. No need to be embarrassed.

The Cyan was right, of course. Sol gathered her courage and walked over towards him. ”Do you mind if I stay?” she asked tentatively. She didn’t want to intrude, but the overwhelming expanse of sky made her feel more at ease than anything else had that day.

[kia]

Lio turned his head slightly, looking out from the Weyr and across the Weyr. He sat up slightly as he noticed something brightly colored heading his way. He did not stand up or anything to get a better view, but merely sighed with the thought of company or even the Watchdragon coming out to take their positions. He brought his hand up and brushed it through his hair, not really fixing it, but making it stand up some. The snow that had been in his hair from where he had laid melted, making the wet part of his hair stand up slightly. But Lio was not dressing to impress a the moment. He would fixed himself up later. He looked up at his Brown and asked casually, "Do you see or know who it is?" Mikidith`s attention turned toward the moving figure as they were getting closer and closer. Miki`s eyes began to whirl faster, but they remained that same, melancholy blue color. Lio wondered who it could be until Mikidith turned his head. It is the Cyan Queen and her Rider, Mine, he said, turning his head back to the moving figures. Lio blinked with confusion before it dawned on him.

The Cyan Queen Miki had called her. Which meant that it was Eccolath and her Mine heading this way. Such sweet irony was throwing more salt into the wounds. Lio down casted his eyes with sadness. That meant Sol was heading out here, and surely enough they would see the Brown and Rider, especially Miki. Miki was not that hard to miss with his rich, chocolate brown hide in this white and tan backdrop. But at the same time, he wondered why both Rider and dragon were heading out this way. Eccolath had been the first in the Weyr to fly in a thunderstorm. Maybe the Cyan`s adventurous spirit was nagging her to come out in the snow. Maybe they were on an adventure. If that was the case, where were their weyrmates, Lio thought almost with anger. The Cyan had chosen the strongest and most courageous of the suitors to join her in adventures. So where was he? But this brought another wave of pain that made him close his eyes. What did that say about him and Miki, a duo who had come to Dalibor, seeking adventure, chance, and anything the place threw at them?

He heard her voice while he still held his eyes closed. He heard her footsteps and opened his eyes, seeing her looking at him with maybe mild interest. Was she blushing? Li was not sure, he doubted it. His face was probably a little pink from being out in the cold too much. Then he thought do not let her come closer. Do not let her smell the wine on my breath. The last thing he wanted was to make someone feel bad for the problems and issues he had. But he looked at her as she approached, curious to know if she could stay here on the rim. With him possibly? He blinked. "Neither Miki nor I mind if you stay. The rim is big enough to share both of us," he said, making sure he was not slurring any words. Luckily he was not slurring. The wine must have been almost out of his system by now. But he still felt a little buzzed. He looked over at Miki for a moment, enough to catch the Brown bowing to the Cyan. That was Miki, a gentle giant. He looked back at Sol and looked at her with curiosity now. "How are you doing?" he asked.

Mikidith, on the other hand, moved over to Eccolath, and bowed in greeting to her. Hello, Queen Cyan Eccolath, he said, not giving up the title that he had given her in his mind from that Flight. Normally he would have returned to calling a dragon by just their name, but for some reason he had retained the title for Eccolath. Just because Rhyolith was the first Cyan to Hatch in the Sands did not make her the greatest. Eccolath had proven her worth that she was the greatest Cyan, at least in Mikidith`s eyes. He looked over her hide, seeing it was still a perfect color, and seeing her in this other backdrop made her much more beautiful. The white and gray snow showed off her features very well. She was a true dragon through and through. Mikidith`s eyes remained that sad blue color, the pain still aching inside of defeat and constant past defeat, but he tried to hide it... for her. I hope you and your Mine are doing quite well. You look very lovely in this weather, he complimented.

[Kila]

Sol was stung but not surprised when Lio hesitated. Did he feel as awkward as she did right now? The thought brought an unconscious smile to her lips. The odd humor in the situations made the moments pass faster than they might have. Lio consented courteously and Sol inwardly let out a sigh of relief. He pointed out that the rim was more than beg enough for all of them. Still, Sol didn’t quite know what she would have done if she had been rejected. She was in the mood for human company, and since the rim was her ideal place to be on this cold day, it almost seemed fortuitous that Lio was there as well.

”Thank you,” she said graciously, sitting down not far from him and hanging her legs over the side of the cliff. She was only vaguely aware of the fact that other people had personal bubbles, but because their encounter had been so odd she didn’t plop down shoulder to shoulder with him as she would have done under normal circumstances. A few flakes of snow blew past her on the wind and she tightened her furs about her with a shudder. She looked down past her feet, which she swung back and forth rather childishly for a while, at the Weyrbowl below. It was a long drop. It would be hard to be a dragonrider and have fear of heights, she mused as she surveyed the ground below here. The sky above was so huge and dizzying; it made everything, even her troubling thoughts, seem small.

She was shaken from her thoughts when Lio spoke. Wrapped up in the chilly scene, she had somehow forgotten she was sitting next to him. ”Fine,” she replied automatically, smiling. She let it become wry as she realized the dishonest haste of her answer and leaned back her head to look at the sky. ”Well, actually I’m stressing myself out. Letting things get to me, you know?” She tilted her head to see if he understood where she was coming from. ”I know I shouldn’t but stuff just piles up and gets me down. I’m not usually sad, some things just get to me.” Sol didn’t know why she was telling him all this in such honesty. She didn’t lie about her feeling to her friends when they asked, especially because she was easy to read, but she didn’t burden people she didn’t know with her problems. Yet here was Lio. Rather than apologize she looked away from him. People rarely expected an honest answer when they asked generic questions like “How are you?” He probably thought she was silly.

Eccolath, while worried for her rider, was in much higher spirits. Her mind constantly cast about for fantastic things, so it was hard to get her down. She and Mikidith had a much easier greeting than Theirs. Hello, Mikidith, she hummed happily, pleased to see the Brown. He was always so kind to her. This time, for example, he greeted her as a Queen, to which she increased her bright hum. Not only that, but he thought she looked good against the snow as well. Thank you! The snow does make a good backdrop for colorful things. I think you look better in the summertime when there is lots of green grass, she told him, settling on the other side of Sol and adjusting herself so that she might catch the sun. I am well but Mine is Blue. She lets her thoughts get to her. Yours doesn’t look to happy himself, though you seem well. Silly Riders- they shouldn't worry so much.

[kia]

He watched her carefully as she sat down next to him and swung her legs over the side. Part of him wanted to reach out and pull her back, fearing that she would fall over the side of the rim. A finger twitched, but he did not move. She was not his. No one was his except Mikidith. Mikidith was his lifemate, but Lio still longed for someone human to wrap his arms around and hold onto them. The faces of R`ish and P`nay flashed in his head. The last time he had seen them had been at Gyth`s Flight. Another jab a pain flared up in his chest, and with that pain he held back the tears he feared was coming to his eyes. Did it matter in the end? He was wondering if this pain was even worth caring it around. Mikidith had never won a Flight in life, and Lio only had memories of one-night stands in his mind of temporary warmth and feelings. Did any of them care? Yes, but not about him he was beginning to believe. How many more Flights would Mikidith participate in to try to make him feel better? Every time Mikidith had participated in Flights, telling Lio that he was doing this for them, it always ended with more and more failure, and their spirits falling lower and lower.

She spoke. She was fine. Did that make him happy or sad? Then she said she was stressed, letting things get to her. He listened to her. He shifted in his spot slightly. "Things happen for a reason," he spoke. Whether he believed this or not was another question. "I somewhat know how you feel. Maybe not the same problems, but there are still similarities. As Wingsecond, I am constantly stressed about proving my rank and making sure those of my Wing are safe. After all, since H`loric... well, and L`ven still being young, I have had to take over as temporary Wingleader. And I stress and worry that we will not get another Wingleader. I worry over Mikidith too. I worry over many things." Maybe he told her this to let her know he was human too, but this only brought more feelings up again. His body ached for more wine, to lie in a daze, to hide from the world. He looked over at her again. He wanted to tell her she was too young and beautiful to let things get to her, that she needs someone strong to help her out... Not him, it felt like. Destiny seemed to want to keep Lio`s loving heart from ever finding happiness. "Things will get better. You will see," he added in almost a soft whisper.

Mikidith was glad to see Eccolath in good spirits. The Cyan should never be unhappy. Never! And she was pleased with his comment about her being a Queen. Oh, but it was not a compliment. She really was in his mind. He gave a content rumble when her humming increased. She was lovely not only in color but in personality. Shoth was a lucky dragon for having caught her in her Flight. The question remained was would Mikidith Chase Eccolath again next time she Rose? He was not sure at the moment, but that would be a while yet. No need to think of that. Think of the present and this happy scene, though his Mine was still depressed and thinking of wine again. Eccolath complimented him, saying he would look good in the summertime. He believed her and, now, could not wait for summertime. Then she spoke of her Mine and how both their Riders seemed unhappy. Mine worries a lot. He is also sad for many reasons. He has a big heart and cares for many, though he questions a lot of things. Mine just needs someone to cheer him up. He use to be the happiest person in the world and now all he does is lie in bed and drink wine till he is acting like a Wherry, the Brown spoke. He told this not to get pity but maybe to see if Eccolath and Sol, as friends, could help him out. He really worried over Lio.

[Kila]

Sol listened as Lio spoke, her eyes only for him. Up there on the rim it was like no one else existed anyway. She wrapped her furs tighter around herself and leaned forward unconsciously to drink in his words. He was trying to cheer her up, so he mustn’t think she was a complete wherry-brain. His sentences wandered, but…. And speaking of drinking, did she smell wine on his breath? Sol registered it and then it was gone- she didn’t care. He had good reason, for his own stress that he spoke of seemed just as overwhelming as hers. She thought despondently that maybe she should drink too, but Lio didn’t look much better off for it. In fact, maybe he was worse. Sol had good intuition on feelings, and she could tell by the pain that invaded Lio’s voice and wracked his body that the stress of his position was not all that was bothering him. When the kind BrownRider managed to end on a courageous note, his whisper almost broke her heart in two.

”Yeah, you’re right. Things will get better. We’ll both see,” she said, tears in the corner of her eyes. She was now trying to convince both herself and Lio of the future. ”Some things just eat at you. They consume us and torture us and we don’t know how not to let them.” She unconsciously spoke of her own problems, giving the advice that she herself needed to realize as she choked it out. ”It’s not the end of the world. Our worlds can get very small. Sometimes we need to just…. step back. And breathe. And realize that it’s not as big of a deal in the grand scheme of things as you thought.” She swayed a little where she sat and was shocked as she absorbed her own words. ”Life’s too short. We’ve just gotta…. Buck up,” she said, punching him weakly in the should and blinking the emotional tears from her eyes to give him a brilliant, genuine smile. ”There’s always someone whose got your back.”

There’s my optimist, Eccolath crowed proudly from the edge where she had been eavesdropping with Mikidith. She turned back to him, her eyes whirring with happiness. I chose the best Mine on the Sands, she declared.

[kia]

Of course Lio did not think Sol was wherry-brained. He knew her to be smart. She was a very smart person. Kind. Gentle. Sincere. Beautiful. Not... She was crying. Tears were coming to her eyes. What had he done or said to make her upset. He was angry with himself now. He caused her to cry. Maybe talking to her had not been the best idea in the world. He felt the pain in his chest turn to pain for hurting her. How could he fix this? Should he fix this? Would it only upset her any more? But, as she continued to talk, she did not seem that upset. Maybe he had reminded her of her own problems by bringing up his own problems. She reached up and punched him in the arm in a friendly manner. He smiled lightly at her, now knowing that she was not upset with him at least. It made him feel better. Something inside him told that it was okay with what he was thinking. His finger twitched again as he moved slightly closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. It was a good thing no one else was around. They could have misinterpret what they were seeing. But Lio was simply giving Sol a hug, a big hug, but a simple hug.

"Thanks," he said as he hugged her. He let go off her, but he did not want to. For one second, he had someone in his arm, someone warm and kind and wonderful. He liked the feeling. He missed it greatly. She was not his. She was B`rak`s. He could see, especially the day of the Flight, when B`rak had growled at him to go away. Shoth adored Eccolath and rarely left the Cyan`s side. He would come looking for her soon, he knew it, felt it. That and he did not want Sol to get the wrong idea. He did not want B`rak to get the wrong idea. Sol was a friend. She would only be a friend. He had to keep moving, keep going, keep trying. "One day, maybe soon, maybe eventually, maybe later, I will find someone to watch my back. It will... take time, but is everyone destined to be alone?" he asked, smiling slightly, tears now welling up in his eyes now. Destiny would not keep lonely. He was a nice guy. There had to be someone out there for him. He could only hope he and Mikidith would find that someone.

Mikidith rumbled with slight happiness when Eccolath referred to her Mine as an optimist and how she had chosen the best on the Sands. Mikidith had to agree. Sol was definitely a good woman. She was already making Lio feel a little better even though he was struggling with himself to reach out and hold Sol again. Mikdith watched Eccolath some more as the Cyan was glowing with the pride of her Mine. Mikidith watched her carefully, himself feeling drawn to Eccolath. This pride was a good pride. Mikidith rarely chased Queen dragons because of their selfish pride. He also rarely chased sub-Queens for the same reasons. He preferred Greens and Pinks because of their love for fun and life. And with the first appearance of Cyan dragons, and seeing how they acted and how they held their pride with love and gratitude, Cyans were now Mikidith`s favorites. They were not flirt or quick to anger like Pinks and Greens. They were sweet beauties who were the embodiment of purity and goodness. Thank you, Queen Eccolath, for your Mine, for helping my Mine, for helping him to feel better. It has been a long time since I have seen him smile, Mikidith spoke.