Declined.

[Admin]

DECLINED.

Most of it needs to be expanded on, and there's a general lack of good sentence structure and punctuation.

Inei's personality needs to be generally expanded on if at all possible with more information about the traits she has and how they fit together to actually define who she is as a person.

Inei's appearance needs to be expanded as well. As there is not a lot of details explaining it, I don't see why exactly she is exotic in appearance. Piercings aren't enough for that.

Aethylswyth's personality needs to be explained. Other than being very aggressive and violent and becoming subdued close to flights, how does she act? That can't be all that she has to her.

Aethylswyth's appearance is confusing and makes me leering. Exactly how close to white is she? What color exactly does the scarring cause her to be? Is the scarring really so bad as to make her darker? How so?

[Admin]

DECLINED.

The type of damage you describe on Aethylswyth suggests trauma that would cause the hide to be salvageable after a certain point and would compromised her immune system. Though the body can take one, or possibly two, instances of major scarring and pull through, it will eventually give out with extensive scarring, even if each time it's only one wound. This is true for dragons, humans, whers, or anything else alike. Also, her ability to move would be severely restricted by that amount of scarring; she would be ending up with large sections of her hide having to be knit together using the nearest hide, causing tightness and restricting her.

How did she receive that much scarring (you didn't mention it in your audition for the renegade)? In a dragon fight, it is doubtful the attacked would attempt to do more than escape or restrain the attacker, and others would attempt to peacefully intervene. Scars are generally garnered from threads, during flights, or from dragons abnormally violent like Aethylswyth, not given to dragons like that. As we don't necessarily need more renegades at this point (we have the ones necessary for certain plot points at this time as well as extras to do plot tasks), I really want to see a good application, with details and examples that show points you make.